


The Songs of Thought

by tristissimus



Category: Life and Death - Stephenie Meyer, Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-02-23 08:27:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23575276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tristissimus/pseuds/tristissimus
Summary: "I could see Edythe standing one-thousand yards away from me. And she was beautiful."Beau's life had ended. It was time for him to learn what it meant to have the gift of immortality. As strong as he was, he couldn't do it without the support of his chosen family.A continuation of Life and Death. Keeping it simple and building on what's already there. The Twilight Renaissance is real.
Relationships: Edythe Cullen/Beau Swan
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Life and Death deserves a lot of attention, and I hope contribute to it. This is starting off small, but more is coming. Enjoy!

_Babe, there's something lonesome about you, something so wholesome about you. Get closer to me.*_

The sun was setting. It reminded me of something Edythe had said a long time ago - _"It's twilight....It’s the safest time of day for us, The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way… the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don’t you think?”**_. I remember when those moments were all I had with Edythe. I held on to every word she said, and when she was gone I would relive them until I saw her again and had more words to add to my collection.

I always thought I would lose her. Not because she wanted to leave me, but because she felt like she had to. She struggled with our differences more than I did.

I now understood what she meant by twilight being the safest time of day. It was the bridge between fire and ice, a comfortable transition. A space you wish you could exist in forever, because it was resistant to extremes.

I watched as the light disappeared around me and the stars became visible. I had told Edythe that I liked the night. It was true. And now, it was interesting in a new way; I could see more stars than I ever knew existed. But, she was right. To live in that safe center, suspended in time, was blissful in its own regard. We had lived our twilight.

I thought I would miss it, that I would miss the intense mystery between us. That time between when I had first found out about her world and before I became a part of it. There was always such uncertainty in all that we did. We had no idea what path lay before us. When we would get into her car, neither of us knew what we would do or where we would go. She didn't know if I would come back alive, and neither did I.

Edythe was now able to laugh about how I had been so reckless with my mortality, but I knew how she felt about those days. It made her sad.

"Beau?" Edythe asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

She'd been wrong about night being predictable, but she hadn't realized that yet. I always made sure to remind her.

I smiled and closed my eyes. I let my mind open for her and I replayed it all. I slowed it down, so that she would see how I saw her that night, the way her pale hands held the steering wheel and how she turned to look at me and how beautiful I thought she was, how captivated I felt. I showed her that she smiled at me and her dimples peeked through, and that the sound of her laugh after I had admitted my disappointment of not being able to see stars in Forks made me feel lighter than air. How I imagined all the women I had ever seen and how none of them, no matter how pretty, had hair some special shade of brushed gold or lips that curved in the center or eyelashes that brushed her cheekbones when she closed her eyes or-

"Oh, I love you." Edythe laughed, and I realized what I had done. "I didn't say stop," she said.

 _No, but I got embarrassed,_ I thought.

"You're the one who showed me."

It was my turn to laugh. I wrapped my arm around her waist and pulled her closer to me. She placed her hand on my thigh. We were sitting on the edge of the window of her room - our room. We had watched the entire sunset.

"Look at me," she said. I did, and saw that her smile was brighter than the sun. And, predictably so, her dimples in full view. I looked into her eyes, all gold and brilliant. My skin tingled, just as it did when it could blush. I felt dazed. She ran her fingers up my arm and placed her hand on the back of my neck. She closed her eyes and inhaled. It reminded me of when I was human. I took the opportunity to close the distance between us with a kiss, her perfectly curved sweet lips flush against mine. She pulled away too soon. Just like the old days. I wondered if it was intended.

"Have your thoughts always been like this?" She sounded distant.

"Yeah, more or less. I mean, maybe back then it wasn't as pleasant," I said. "I didn't know I would get to keep you."

"No, I meant..." she trailed off. "How do I explain this?" She paused and adjusted herself so that she was laying down with her head in my lap, one leg bent at the knee with her foot planted on the windowsill and the other leg casually flung over the side. "You don't sound like other people." She looked like she always did when she was trying to decode something: her eyebrows were pushed together, her eyes narrowed, and her lips wore a subtle frown. 

"Maybe it's because it's still not transmitting right. Just because I know what station to tune into doesn't mean my equipment works properly," I replied.

Edythe laughed and sat up. "You think so intensely," she said. She was suddenly full of energy, eager and wide-eyed. "It's as though you are seeing your position in the universe constantly. Other people, almost all their thoughts exist on one plane. With you...when I focus I can hear the undercurrent of your mind. Always. Even when you just think of something as light as telling me you're embarrassed." She picked up my hand and held it to her face. 

"I'm not sure I follow," I said. I caressed her cheek with my thumb. 

"Well, there are many layers to thought. There are words, pictures, emotions." She sighed and kissed the palm of my hand. "And there are more complicated aspects," she continued, "Such as the undercurrent I mentioned. I hear it most in people who are about to die. When they realize it's over. When their life flashes in front of their eyes, so to speak. Every thought flooding in at once."

"And you hear that in me?" Letting her look into my thoughts was still new. I wasn't sure what she heard. The process was so purposeful and I always had time to organize my thoughts before I showed her, but I guessed she sensed more than I was aware of.

"Yes. It's like I can feel what you were feeling when you experienced whatever you're thinking about. I've never been able to feel people's thoughts. I have felt for them, and reacted to them, but not..." She paused and looked up - perhaps to the stars. "You are always thinking about everything in one moment. Sometimes deciphering it is impossible. It's as though a million lines of thought are woven together, each sending a different message."

"I try to organize my thoughts before I show you," I admitted.

She scoffed. "I can't imagine what it's like otherwise, then." She looked down to the ground below, and in one swift movement she was several feet below me.

I laughed and jumped, landing on the tree adjacent to the window. I swung down and watched as she darted into the treeline. I contemplated just staying put, teasing her. But teasing her meant teasing myself, and we didn't need to suffer at the same time. I launched myself as far as I could, and ran after her. It had been months since I was changed, I was long outgrown of my newborn strength, and Edythe was _fast_. It was something I was still adjusting to. In the beginning I could out run her. That was no longer a possibility. 

I never caught up to her, but I knew where she was going. 

It was summer, but the grandiose clearing was green as any other season. It was so vibrant, I forgot it was dark. That was another thing I was adjusting to: vampire vision. I could look between the blades of grass and see minerals in the soil just as well as I could see the stars light-years above me. It filled me with joy and curiosity of which I had never felt before. But it wasn't just the minerals or the stars that caught my attention. I could see Edythe standing one-thousand yards away from me. And she was beautiful.

* * *

_*Song: "From Eden" Hozier_

_** Edythe's quote from Chapter 11: Complications, page 330_


	2. Chapter 2

_Cryptic mind, cryptic soul, always wondering where to go.*  
  
_

There was a secret travelling around the Cullen household. I noticed it a few days ago when I interrupted a hushed conversation between Archie and Eleanor. They pretended I hadn’t caught them in something, and my suspicion was met with unexplained cheerful energy. I didn’t understand it, and I wasn’t going to let it go.

I cornered Eleanor while she was watching something on TV. I sat on the couch and relaxed, putting my feet up on the coffee table. I reminded myself to play it casual. “Hey, Eleanor,” I said.

“What’s up, B?” She’d been calling me a myriad of different nicknames for months, but ‘B’ was sticking. It was better than some of the other ones.

“Oh, you know,” I replied. “Vampire stuff.”

“Nothing like using your immortality to sit and watch TV all day, huh?” She laughed. I hadn’t done much in the past couple of weeks; activities were becoming repetitive. There were drawbacks to faking your death.

“I wanted to ask you something,” I said. I tried to express myself in the most innocent way possible.

“Shoot.”

“What are you and Archie planning?” I blamed Edythe for how blunt I’d become. She taught me there was no reason to hide under words, and I was picking up her habits. But, maybe taking social advice from someone with telepathy wasn’t a good idea.

Eleanor just turned to look at the TV, and I could see she was hiding a smile. She said, “The only person you can pressure into answering that is your girl.”

I tried to not react to Edythe being referred to as ‘my girl’. “So, she knows?” I asked. Eleanor unwittingly pointed out a hole in the ship.

“Shit.”

I ran upstairs to Edythe; she was reading on the front balcony. She put her book down when she saw me. I raised my eyebrows, knowing very well she heard the conversation.

“Nope,” she said and picked up her book again.

I rolled my eyes. “Is it something bad?”

“Define bad.”

“Are we in danger?”

She grinned. “No.”

“Come on. You’re _my girl_.” I tried to sound like I was mocking Eleanor, but it came out too honest. Edythe noticed.

She stood up and wrapped her arms around my neck. Tilting her head, she planted a kiss just below my jawline. She exhaled slowly and I felt her breath caress my skin. “Can you convince me?” she asked. Her voice was velvet, and her question was formed as if it were a plea. I didn’t care about the secret anymore.

“Mhm." I pulled her closer to me and my lips met hers. She ran her hands up the back of my neck and tangled her fingers in my hair. I gasped when she pulled it hard enough to break our kiss. She returned her lips to my neck and bit me softly. I let my head fall back, and I felt her smile against my skin. 

“It’s so nice to not be careful,” she whispered.

She pulled me back down to her and kissed me again. Her lips were soft and slightly parted, and I could taste her on my tongue. She suddenly jumped into my arms, and I caught her, my hands holding her upper thighs. She was above me now, and she looked into my eyes and I could see only her. I could feel only her. She bent her head and brushed her sweet lips against mine as if it was the first time. I walked forward until my calves hit the end of the lounge she had been sitting on, and I sat her down. I moved my hands to her shoulders intending to lay her across the cushions, but instead she stood up and gently pushed me backward. I let my arms fall to my sides, and she responded by taking my hands into hers.

She took a deep breath. I hoped that one day I would feel any relief by doing the same, but breathing felt like nothing now. She smiled and kissed both of my hands, one at a time. The action felt courtly and ceremonious. Sometimes Edythe made me feel like I was in a period drama. I liked it.

"So," she said, moving slightly to create a few inches of distance between us. "You earned an answer."

I felt confident. I laughed and it rang in the air like windchimes. It was hard to recognize the sound as my voice. "Yes, please tell me what's going on," I replied.

"Have you forgotten your birthday?"

Oh no. _Oh no_ , I thought 

"They're planning a party."

A crash in the distance interrupted anything I was going to say. Archie was suddenly at the doorway, looking fiery.

"You narc!" He shouted.

"I didn't tell the authorities," Edythe replied. "I told the victim." She sounded prideful and bright, and appeared pleasantly flustered. But maybe I was projecting. Her mood and tone then shifted to something more neutral and she said, “He needed to know, Archie.”

Archie looked so defeated that I had to comfort him. “I don’t mind, it’ll be fun,” I said. I wanted to say more, but it was clear I was a bad liar. I thought my new voice would make me sound more convincing. It didn’t.

Archie sighed. “Are you sure?” He reminded me so much of Edythe in that moment that I realized they really were siblings, regardless of anything. It was nice to see.

“Let me think about it,” I said. The idea of having a party made my heart feel heavy. I didn’t ask myself why. I couldn’t.

Archie continued to stand in the doorway as if I was going to do all my decision-making right then. I had learned that there were a lot of behaviors that were unique to vampires. For Archie to assume I could make an immediate decision wasn’t in bad taste. They all thought as fast as they could run, so simple decisions were usually easy. But I didn’t categorize the decision to have a party as simple, and I had yet to gain the same vampire-brain computation abilities.

Archie was patient, or stubborn. I was too.

Combing through my thoughts, I concluded that making my family happy was my main goal. They had sacrificed too many things for both me and Edythe. They didn’t have to invite me in, and they certainly didn’t need to count me among their family. I could never give back enough, but I could take opportunities when they presented themselves. Archie and Eleanor loved parties, and I assumed it was more exciting for them to plan one for a new person.

Edythe broke the silence, or at least the silence _I_ heard. “Archie, he’s fine,” she said. The way she spoke was exactly how she sounded when she talked fast and under her breath to herself or to the others back when I was human, only now I understood what she was saying.

“You guys are taking everything too seriously,” I said, pointedly ignoring that Edythe was replying to Archie’s thoughts. “We’ll have a party. The way I see it, it means we’ll all be at the same place at the same time, and I like spending time with all of you.”

Archie perked up. “Really?” he asked.

“Really,” I confirmed.

“That’s it then!” he exclaimed. He looked to Edythe. “Don’t tell him anything else. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” she said. Again, I felt like I was in a period drama. I needed to stop watching TV.

Archie asked me a few questions. He wanted to know what colors I liked and what kind of upbeat music I listened to, and other preferences. I wanted to feel excited instead of playing along, because I was grateful that he and Eleanor cared enough to celebrate my birthday. I just didn’t think there was much to celebrate. It wasn’t like I could write a guest list. I quickly shook that thought from my mind. Maybe I did need to party.

When Archie left, Edythe pulled me into a hug. “You’re too good,” she said. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head.

“How?” I asked.

She let go and looked at me. “Thank you for being here,” she whispered.

“This is the only place I want to be,” I said. “But you didn’t answer my question.” I placed my hand on her cheek and marveled at how lovely she was.

“Well, you being here is one of the things that make you too good. And, for some reason, you also like being here.” She smiled and her whole face lit up. “Beau, you could leave at any time and do anything you want. But, you’ve stayed here. Why is that?”

“What a ridiculous question,” I replied. I pulled her back into my arms, where I always wanted her to be. I rested my chin on her head and looked forward at the vast expanse of treetops that seemed to go on forever. I held her a little tighter. “I’m home. Who wants to leave home?”

She buried her face into my chest. “Not me,” she said, her voice muffled by my shirt.

“Exactly.”

We held each other for as long as we wanted to.  
  


* * *

_*Song: “Cryptic” Mogli_


	3. Chapter 3

_Walk out into velvet. Nothing more to say. You're my favorite moment. You're my Saturday*  
  
_

My party was tonight. Archie had given me strict instructions to follow; I had to stay away from the house until six o’clock, dress nicely, and not ask Edythe for any details. It was over the top, but that was Archie.

“Are you ready for our lunch date?” Edythe asked with a sly smile. We were going to spend most of the day hunting big game up north. We were taking her car- my own birthday request. It made me feel like a part of society, which I had been craving lately.

“Yep,” I replied. I ran to the driver’s-side and opened the door for Edythe. It was my favorite small gesture, as unnecessary as it was.

She thanked me and stepped in, and I did the same. She started the car and switched the music to something with a low beat and soft melody. I leaned over the center console and kissed her on the cheek. “See, isn’t this nice?”

She scoffed. “Sure. But I’m not driving under eighty.” She winked at me and put the car in gear.

I smiled. “Deal.”

I enjoyed hunting most when it was just us. Going on a trip with the others was a frantic and overwhelming experience. Vampires didn’t hunt cooperatively. There were no teams; loyalties didn’t matter. Edythe played especially dirty and I wasn’t excluded as a target. And as much as I liked to play nice, when the hunt began my instincts made me fight anything in the way of myself and my prey. It was equally as stressful as it was fun. But, when Edythe and I were alone, we worked together. It was much more pleasant.

It only took us an hour to get to Canada. Crossing the border went smoothly. Once we got close, I held my breath and Edythe used all her sweet charm to dodge any questions the border agents could have asked me. We arrived at our destination soon after.

“Are you looking forward to the party tonight?" Edythe asked once we were hiking into the dense forest.

“I'm trying to not think about it," I admitted.

"Does it make you upset?"

I sighed. She already knew how I was feeling. She wanted me to face it. "I don't really know how I feel. It just doesn't feel right." I stopped walking and turned to Edythe. "It feels like it's too soon."

"Too soon?"

It was hard to form my emotions into words. I actively avoided giving them a voice. So, I did the next best thing. I let Edythe read my mind. I thought of nothing specific, I only pushed the walls down and allowed anything to manifest.

She smiled sadly and took my hand in hers. “I love you,” she said. Her tone was warm.

“I love you, too.” I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it.

"Come here," she said and pulled me towards her. I let myself fall into her arms.

My resolve cracked. "Oh, Edythe…this is so hard," I said. I didn't know if I was grateful or alarmed about not being able to cry. I held her tightly and buried my face in her hair. She was my anchor, and I could handle anything when she was by my side. But even so, I was weak.

"You aren't weak, my sweetheart." She rubbed the middle of my back and pulled away far enough to look at me. "You are the strongest man in the world."

I didn't know what to say to that.

This day would be one of the worst days Charlie and my mom would ever experience. My eighteenth birthday- a milestone. I felt guilty. I felt like I traded one life for another, but the truth was that my old life was never mine. All the same, people were in pain because of my absence and that was heartbreaking. 

Edythe held my face in her hands. She leaned forward and kissed me gently. "I'm so sorry I did this to you," she whispered.

I shook my head, and her hands fell to my shoulders. "I died a long time ago."

"When I stopped the van?"

"Yes. You saved my life. Forever. I was supposed to end up here."

She looked away for a moment. "I shouldn't have you comfort me. That was wrong. Let me restart." Her eyes met mine. "I will do everything in my power to make this easier for you."

I smiled a little. "Well, you could kiss me again."

She grinned. "Of course." She ran her hands up to my neck and pressed her lips against mine. I twisted my fingers in her hair. I wanted to feel all of her, but I soon pulled away.

"Would you like to hunt now?" I asked

She nodded.

Edythe was better at tracking, so she took the lead and I followed until I caught the scent. When I did, I noticed it was rich and peppery. It was a moose, which was quickly becoming my favorite. This one was a Yukon, the largest breed. Grizzlies couldn’t even compare, no matter what Eleanor said.

Edythe and I tried to get the animal secluded without trapping it. I never wanted my prey to feel fear or pain, so I stuck to the shadows and took my time. When I was close enough, I rendered the animal unconscious. The blood was better without adrenaline. On the family hunting nights, sometimes the smell of adrenaline overpowered everything.

We hunted until three o’clock, and spent the rest of our afternoon sparing with each other. We found a small field and made up some fake rules, and I tried to follow them. Edythe won, but the game was rigged in her favor. The real enjoyment was getting to see her so unrestrained. She was feral, and exquisite. Her body moved with a gentle grace that captivated me, but she had a hit so sharp and fast that I found myself on the ground more times than I could count. I made a mental note to remind myself to ask her how to strike like that.

Our drive back was calm, but as we got closer to home I began to worry. Even though I had changed into the slim slacks and dress shirt that Archie himself picked out, I still felt like I didn’t look ready for a party. I certainly wasn’t emotionally or mentally ready, but I at least wanted to appear ready.

Eventually, I heard music. When the sound became clearer, I was able to identify the song. It was one from a Goldfrapp album. I smiled. Archie had picked good music. That gave me some relief.

We were there sooner than I wanted to be.

“Before we go in, I have something for you,” Edythe said.

She pulled something from her pocket and put it in my hand. It was a set of car keys. I recognized the emblem.

Edythe saw the look on my face. “You aren’t allowed to deny it. I promise you’ll like it.” She got out of the car and I hesitated. “Don’t you want to see it?”

“I do.” I got out and followed her into the garage.

There was a giant tarp covering what I presumed was the car in question. I pressed a button on the keys, and it beeped. I couldn’t help but smile. I always wanted a car with automatic locks. Edythe pulled the tarp off.

“Holy shit! That’s my truck!" I circled around the it, noting all the details. It was a darker red than mine was. It shined even in the dim lights of the garage, and the windows were tinted, but it had the same spirit. I was speechless. The remote and fancy emblem threw me off, and I tried to figure out how they could install something like that on a car I considered vintage

“It’s a nineteen-sixty-five. Newer than your old one, but the same model. And it has a few extra features.”

“I noticed. How did you even get this?”

“I’ve been remodeling it with Royal’s help. I found it in a junkyard, believe it or not.”

“Royal knows how to fix cars?”

“He’s better than the rest of us, that’s for sure. It was my idea though, so I get the most credit.” She smirked.

“Of course you do.” I walked over to her and gave her a quick kiss. “Thank you, love. This is an incredible gift.”

I heard footsteps and in a quick second Archie and Royal were in the room. Royal looked down at Edythe and then to me. His expression was smug, but harmless. “Edythe here wanted to buy you a brand new car.”

Edythe interrupted and stated, “Beau deserves the best.”

“Well, this truck is the best,” I said. “And I’m sure it was much cheaper than whatever you were going to get.”

She smiled. “So, you like it?”

“Are you kidding? I love it.”

Archie looked impatient and said, “Okay, okay! You’ve seen your first gift. Now it’s time! Let’s party!”

“The first?” I groaned. The car was enough. I didn’t want anything at all.

The party went better than I expected. Everyone was smiling and laughing. It wasn't too extravagant. The decorations were kept to a minimum- there were only string lights hung around the central living space and candles on various surfaces. I thought the candles were strange, but they were better than tacky centerpieces. It felt more like a relaxed café than a house party. The best part was that no one had sang 'Happy Birthday', and it seemed that they had no intention of doing so.

But, the gifts were a little too much. Archie had bought me enough clothes for an entire new wardrobe, Jessamine got me a fancy watch, and Royal and Eleanor bought me a giant TV. The most generous of them all were the plane tickets and reservations for a hotel somewhere in Belize that Carine and Earnest gave Edythe and me. The thought of an entire vacation with just Edythe made me elated, not to mention that I had never been out the country.

"Thank you for all this," I said as we gathered on the couch.

Archie practically cheered. “I knew you’d-,” he abruptly stopped talking. He stared blankly ahead, and I immediately glanced at Edythe. She was looking intently at him.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“It’s Victor,” Edythe said.

My stomach sunk. I turned the music off. “Tell me.”

“He’s coming here.”

“When?!” I shouted. For the first time since my transformation I felt terror. It shook me to my core, and I panicked. “We have to do something. Now!” I blocked Jessamine from calming me down. I didn’t want the lack of anxiety to subdue me.

“How long do we have, Archie?” Earnest asked.

Archie didn’t respond. He was seeing more.

“He isn't alone,” he said. His tone was cold. “I don’t recognize the others. It’s chaotic, they’re fighting each other…no, they’re training. They’re hiding in…a warehouse?”

“How many are with him?” Carine asked.

“Five or more,” Edythe said. “They’re acting like newborns.”

“We can take them!” Eleanor said with confidence. She jumped off the couch and squared her shoulders. Her body language made me nervous.

“Not if they’re newborns,” Jessamine stated, shaking her head. “And not if there’s more than five.”

I was frozen. I couldn’t feel my limbs. Suddenly, Carine was at my side. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, “It will be okay, my son.” I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“He’s changing his mind…he’s…” Archie’s face was full of confusion. “I lost it. I don’t know where he’s going.” He shook his head and looked at Edythe.

“I don’t understand,” Edythe stated. She paced the room. I knew she was letting worry override her ability to gather her thoughts.

I glanced at Jessamine, and she understood what I wanted. Edythe stopped pacing.

“He probably knows you’ve been watching,” I said. “If he can keep his decisions vague, or let someone else make them…” I let the thought hang in the air.

“You may be right,” Carine said. She stayed by my side, and I was grateful.

I knew Victor was not planning to leave me alive. But that wasn’t what scared me. It was Edythe he wanted most. I felt detached from my body. “We need a plan,” I pleaded.

Edythe came to me. “I won’t let anyone hurt you,” she stated. She didn’t understand where my affliction was coming from.

“I’m not worried about me,” I spat. My tone was indignant, but I didn’t mean for it to be. I resigned and let Jessamine calm me down. The loss of fear cleared my head, but only enough for me to realize more horrors. “What about Charlie? Will they come for Charlie?”

No one was answering my questions, and I was getting more and more distraught. I racked my brain for ideas. Something suddenly occurred to me. “We can send Charlie to the Quileute reservation, somehow. Maybe we can even ask the Tribe for their help. Jessamine, you said we can’t do this alone. This is a threat to them just as much as it is to us.”

Royal made a loud sound of distaste. “The wolves? Please. Never.”

“Don’t be like that,” I said. “They were kind enough to keep the treaty. Remember that. They were not obligated to extend that opportunity for us. I know Bonnie told us to not ask for favors, but we can try. They will at least help Charlie.”

Edythe finally spoke. “Beau is right. They need to know what’s coming.”

“I can do it,” I said. “I can talk to Jules.” Edythe was tense again. I couldn’t handle it. I sighed. “Okay, I’m the only one offering ideas here, and I’m in the dark about this.”

“We’re weighing our options,” Edythe said.

“Well, weigh them out loud!” I demanded.

Carine stepped in. “Beau, they won’t allow you on the reservation, but we can arrange another meeting with Bonnie.”

“And I will keep watching,” Archie said.

Eleanor spoke next, “Me and Royal can keep an eye on Charlie.” Royal scoffed, but didn’t protest. I understood his apprehension. This wasn’t really his problem.

“We need to train. All of us,” Jessamine stated. I thought of the all things she had faced in her life, and there were things in her past that made me uneasy. But she knew how to handle newborns. I may have not wanted to see what she was capable of, but that’s what we needed.

After deliberating for a time, we concluded that it was best for me to talk to Jules first. I hoped with all I had that she would be willing to speak with me. I missed her. I was prepared for her to not want anything to do with me, but I thought maybe once she heard my voice, she would realize I was still me. There was only one way to know.

* * *

Beau's new ride

_*Song; “Number 1” Goldfrapp_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How excited are we all for Midnight Sun?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? WE'VE BEEN WAITING OVER TEN YEARS!


	4. Chapter 4

_Well, I figure I’ll buy me a motorcycle – wrap its pretty little frame around a telephone poll.*  
  
_

I dialed the only number I had for Jules. It was a landline. It rang twice, and by the end of the third ring someone answered.

“Hello?”

It was her.

If I still had a heartbeat, it would be racing. To hear her voice was a soothing salve to my pain and fear.

“Jules?”

“Uh, yeah. This is her," she replied.

I felt dejected. She didn’t recognize me. “It’s Beau,” I said.

Silence.

I didn’t know what to say. “How are you?” I asked.

An angry huff. “How _am I_?!?”

At least she didn’t hang up. “I wanted to talk to you,” I said.

“You’re not even alive!”

There was a swirl of chaos within me. For a moment I felt like a ghost, like a distant memory. But there was a fire in my chest that reminded me I was alive. “I’m still me, Jules.”

“Yeah, that’s what I heard from Bonnie. She doesn’t believe you either.”

I sighed. I walked outside and sat on the concrete steps leading to the driveway. “Do you remember that one time I visited in the summer and it rained like crazy, and you were trying to get me to like it? You made me make mudpies with you, and it was the only time I had fun visiting Forks.”

She didn’t say anything for a long time. I waited. So long as she didn’t hang up, I wasn’t going anywhere.

“I can’t believe what she’s done to you,” she said.

I brushed off her statement. I knew what my truth was. She could never say anything to change that.

“I may not suit the best definition for ‘alive’, but it’s enough,” I said with as much confidence I could muster up. It was an attempt to convince her.

“How about you ask Charlie if you're dead, huh? Still feel alive?”

I slumped into myself. There was nothing I could say. She was right. We were silent again for a time. It felt like days. “I know I’m dead to everyone. Do I have to be dead to you?”

“Fuck, Beau. You can’t lay that on me.”

“I’d like you to be in my life.” Suddenly the conversation was turning into a series of confessions. I needed to speak to her more than just tonight.

“Did you choose this?” Her tone was much softer than before.

“Yes.”

She sighed. “Why?”

“I haven’t felt alive until now. I was meant for this.” I didn’t expect her to understand, but I hoped she’d have faith in me.

“I can’t believe you’re saying you’re _meant_ to be a bloodsucker.”

That one hurt.

She kept going. “People do stupid shit for love, but this is by far the worst.”

I bit my tongue. I was not going to have that fight with her. Not now. I cut her off. “I didn’t call just to talk.”

She laughed, and her tone was bitter. “That’s what I thought.”

“There’s…a problem.”

“A problem?”

“Did Bonnie tell you how I was changed?”

“Yeah. Sounded brutal.”

I almost laughed at her casual response. _Brutal._ Like it was a motorcycle accident, not a murder.

“Well, her partner, Victor, he’s alive. He wants revenge,” I said. I wanted to keep my tone just as casual, but there was no way to hide the inevitable blight. “He’s coming for me, and he won’t be alone. Archie had a vision.”

There was a click on the other end.

She hung up.

My head fell into my hands and immediately I heard Edythe’s footsteps behind me.

“Beau...” she whispered.

“I just need to be alone,” I stated. I had the urge to run away. But I wasn’t sure what I wanted to run from, or where I would go.

Edythe left and I looked at the phone in my hands. I could crush it with one slight movement. I could launch it like a bullet into a tree. I could call Jules back.

I wasn’t sure how long I sat outside. It could have been seconds, or hours. I couldn’t be still anymore, so I took a walk. I figured it was less obvious than running away.

I traveled deep into the forest and found a small stream. Sitting on a rock, I dipped my hand into the water. It should have been cold. But, like many things now, it felt like nothing. Maybe I was dead.

I finally looked at the clock on the phone. 11:00 PM.

She was probably still awake. I selected ‘Recent Calls’ and stared at her number.

A great rumbling sound tore me from my decision. I froze and used all my senses. Something was running towards me. Suddenly, the fragrance filled my lungs. My entire body recoiled. I heard another set of footsteps, this time ones I recognized. I looked behind me and saw Archie, Carine, Earnest, and Edythe.

Archie spoke first. “I saw Julie Black tell Bonnie about what you said. They’re coming with the pack.”

I was relieved.

Three giant wolves appeared out of the darkness. I quickly realized no one was feeling the relief I felt.

I smelt something a little different, something that made my body tense- but not recoil. Carine and Edythe stood in front of me, and Archie and Earnest held the back of my arms and shoulders. I wished I knew how to tell them they didn’t need to worry.

Bonnie appeared from between the wolves. “Have you heard about the massacres in Seattle?”

“We have been monitoring it,” Carine answered.

“You should monitor a little better,” said another voice from behind Bonnie. I swore I felt my heart thud. It was Jules.

“You guys can let go of me,” I said. They hesitated but released me. I walked closer to Bonnie, shortening the distance that divided us by a few feet. She had to see that nothing changed. I wanted her to know she could trust me. “Archie saw that Victor wasn’t alone. Do you think they're responsible?"

Jules stepped forward and I held my breath.

“You’re damn right,” she said.

She was right there, talking to me. My attention wasn’t on the discussion anymore, all I wanted was to talk to Jules.

"With no doubt,” Bonnie confirmed. “The attacks aren't only in Seattle, now. They're closer.” She looked at me.

I relaxed my body as much as possible and moved my chest to mimic breathing. I used the last of my saved breath and said, "Protect Charlie, please."

Bonnie nodded. "We'll do more than that. We will join you in this fight."

I was taken aback. “You will?”

I filled my lungs one more time, because I had more to say. But the moment the air touched the back of my throat I was overcome with agony. My entire body yearned to leap forward, to stop the pain. My mouth filled with venom. I occupied my thoughts with a mantra: _I have a choice. I am in control. I have a choice. I am in control._

Suddenly, Edythe grabbed my arm. I shook my head and locked my jaw. My eyes were fixated on Jules. Edythe didn’t let me go, and I knew it was sending the wrong message. _I am in control! We just went hunting,_ I yelled in my head to Edythe. The last thing I wanted was for Jules to see me like this. I fought myself and used all my energy to act as if I was fine. Edythe pulled me closer to her, and that’s when I realized everyone was still talking. I couldn’t hear them.

“Jules, it’s okay,” I whispered. I could feel my dark instincts fade, and as they did, I pushed them away with force. I visualized locking the feeling in a box and tossing it into a void. The voices around me became clear.

“I think it’s best that we meet another time,” Bonnie said.

“Without Beau,” Julie muttered. I realized she hadn’t heard me; her human ears weren’t keen enough. She looked forlorn.

“In the morning, then,” Carine said.

With that, the wolves exited with Bonnie and Jules. I stood there, motionless. Jules words repeated in my head over and over. _You’re not even alive. Bloodsucker. Without Beau._ To her, I was nothing.

“Let’s go home, Beau,” Edythe said. Her hand was still around my arm.

Defeated, I went with her.

When we got to the house, I refused to go inside. I didn’t want anyone to see me.

“I almost pushed myself over the edge,” I said into the midnight air.

“You’re braver than you know. I’d have done the same,” Edythe said.

I shot her a confused glance. “What?”

“Remember all the risks I took just to be close to you?”

I nodded. I remembered _that_ look in her eyes, when the veil between her thirst and her love thinned and twisted. It made me feel different now that I had experienced it myself. It was something between sorrow, grief, and rage.

“I still don’t get your point,” I said.

“You’d do the same for Julie.”

There was gravity to her words, an intensity that made me nervous. “There’s no reason to,” I stated flatly. I was feeling defensive. There was too much in my head, too much to understand. I wanted to sleep.

“Testing myself made me stronger,” Edythe said. Her words were soft, honest. “It will make you stronger, too.”

I wasn’t convinced.

“That won’t be the last time you’ll see Julie. When she saw you, she thought about how you told her you wanted her to be a part of your life. She wants that, too.”

I scoffed. “That was before I went feral.”

Edythe reached for my hand, and I took it.

“If you want, I’ll try to convince her to call you,” she said.

I felt hope for a moment. “You’d do that?”

“Yes.” Her tone was empty.

There was no way Edythe could be happy about the situation. I was confused about why she would want to help. It clouded my mind even more.

“No, it’s okay,” I said. “I’ll just…let it go.”

I released her hand and walked into the house, running straight up to our bedroom. No one followed me. I turned on whatever CD was in the stereo, laid down on the floor, and purposefully disassociated my mind from my body. I wanted to feel hollow.

* * *

_*Song: “Motorcycle” Colter Wall_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I (finally) introduced some of our beloved members of the fictional version the Quileute Tribe as they are in the Saga. I urge all of you to please read about the real history and culture of the Quileute, and understand what is fact and what is fiction. They have been impacted in both negative and positive ways by the popularity of the Saga (mostly negative). (some things to read: https://www.burkemuseum.org/static/truth_vs_twilight/)
> 
> I also REALLY encourage everyone look at and SHARE this donation page for the Quileute Tribe: mthg.org/get-involved/ 
> 
> Thank you all for reading, and stay safe out there!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been to long...I hope this time finds you well. I give you all my love <3

_ I got my bearings set on you, but my course has gone askew. So, if I am lost at sea would you come and rescue me?* _

I didn’t move until I felt the morning sun on my skin. Keeping my eyes closed, I marveled at the warmth. It sank into my frozen flesh and spread deep within the core of my bones. Sitting up, I took in my surroundings. I had done a good job at desensitizing myself, because the house was completely silent. I never noticed anyone leave.

I thought I was alone until I heard Edythe approach. She knocked on the door and I promptly opened it. I felt like I hadn't seen her for years, though it had only been a few hours. I took in her presence, grateful she hadn't gone away. She had on different clothes than last night. She wore a grey tank top and white jeans. It was simple and beautiful.

"You look so perfect," I said with no hesitation.

"Thank you, Beau," she replied with a soft laugh.

She was so sweet, so gentle. Gracious.

Suddenly, I realized I was still in my ‘party’ outfit. "I need to change…"

She nodded. "Okay, come meet me downstairs when you're ready. It's just you and me today."

Once she was gone, I looked at myself in the mirror. I was shocked. My skin glistened, reflecting every wavelength of color that my eyes could perceive, which was too many. I looked effortlessly inviting. My eyes were vibrant gold. I was convinced no one could see them as anything but supernatural. It was unnerving.

Dismissing my self-consciousness, I changed and sought out Edythe. She was sitting at the table in the dining room.

I stopped in my tracks. She looked even more stunning than before. Her bronze locks gently cascaded down her shoulders and covered her chest. Her hands sat folded in front of her on the table, and she was looking out of the window to her left. The sun danced on her bare shoulders as the rays peaked in through the trees, and the prisms created by her beautiful skin reflected off the windows, creating an aura around her. She looked like a painting. She looked like an angel.

She came to life and caught my gaze. I was a deer in headlights.

"I have a good surprise for you today," she said. "I want to take you somewhere. It's a place I go when I need space. We’ll have to climb a mountain, but I presume that will be okay with you, now." Her eyes sparkled.

I couldn’t speak, so I slowly sat next to her, afraid she would disappear if I moved too fast.

I was absolutely captivated by her. I wanted to make her feel cherished, to show her that she would always be loved.

I caressed her folded hands and ran the tips of my fingers up her arm to her shoulder. Gathering her soft hair in my hand, I brushed it behind her, revealing her skin. I trailed my index finger along her collarbone and stopped at her sternum to press my palm against her still heart.

I looked into her eyes and saw the embodiment of infinity. She was the sun. She was the entire universe. She could be mine forever, if she wanted to.

“How were you alone for a hundred years?” I whispered. I sounded breathless. I supposed I was.

She grinned, showing her dimples. “I was waiting for you,” she said, as if it were obvious.

“You’ll never be alone again,” I said.

She held both of my hands and kissed my cheek. “Neither will you.”

I felt winded. "I have another question."

"You can ask me anything."

"How in the hell did you deal with all the suitors I know we're begging for your attention?"

She grinned and suddenly her lips were centimeters from mine. "Well, sometimes I killed them." Her tone was sultry. I melted into her. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her lips brushed against mine. I didn't move.

"I'd lure them into my trap," she whispered, "and right when they thought they could have me…" She paused and finally kissed me with fervor and passion. I indulged. She crawled into my lap and dug her hands into my shoulders, pulling away just enough to look at me. "Then I'd strike." She sunk her teeth into my neck. I  _ moaned _ .

She  _ laughed _ . "You were almost one of them!"

I shook my embarrassment away. She could laugh at my reactions if she wanted, the pleasure I felt was her fault. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pressed her body against mine. I kissed up her neck and whispered in her ear, "You’re wicked today."

She hummed and murmured, "I'm always wicked." She ran her hands through my hair. "In all seriousness, Beau. I have killed a lot of men."

"Good."

She cackled. "I cannot believe you."

"Hey, you killed my competition! I should dance on their graves."

She threw her hands in the air and sighed dramatically. "I'm lucky you have such a dark sense of humor and skewed morality."

I tucked her hair behind her ear and kissed her cheek, mimicking her earlier gesture. "I'm lucky you decided to spare me."

She smiled wide. "I know."

I cradled her face in my hands. I kissed her again, this time it was slow and measured. "I love you," I whispered against her lips.

"I love you, Beau."

Suddenly, it dawned on me that there was something I had to do, and it had to be today.

"Can you excuse me for just one second? I'll be right back."

I didn't wait for her answer. I ran up to Archie and Jessamine’s room and rummaged in Archie's desk until I found what I was looking for. It was a small velvet black box. There was a ring inside, a new one that was perfected to Edythe's ideal- according to Archie. I shoved it in my pocket and returned to her.

When I came downstairs and saw Edythe's expression, I laughed. She looked baffled.

I may not have been subtle, but I figured that even if she did put the pieces together, she would still play along.

“Why’d you go into Archie’s room?” She asked accusingly.

I gave a fast retort. “Why were you spying?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Why are you so loud?”

Maybe redirecting the conversation was a good idea. “Aren’t we supposed to be going on a trip?”

She narrowed her eyes. “I wasn’t sure if you were paying attention when I said that.”

“Hey, I’m a vampire now. I can do a lot of things at once,” I said. “But, are you sure going out here is safe right now?"

As much as I wanted alone time with Edythe, it felt like an inappropriate time for an outing. 

"Actually, we’ll be going to California. Up in the Sierra's."

"And we'll be back tonight?"

"Of course." She placed her hand on my cheek. "When we return, we'll train with the others. And...I think it would be good for you to relax.”

I pulled her into a tight embrace. "We need a date." And I needed a good setting to propose.

We took Eleanor's SUV, because the tint was dark and Edythe said we'd be off the road for part of the trip.

"Alright, tell me where to go." I backed out of the garage with no effort. I barely had to use my eyes, somehow the sounds were enough to paint a picture of my environment.

In an hour and a half we were deep in the mountain roads in Oregon, heading southeast. I lagged. I was grateful to spend time with her. I focused my attention only on us being next to each other, because I knew it was temporary. Soon, we would be in battle. It was hard to imagine. I didn't ask her about the meeting between Bonnie and Carine, because I wanted to extend the moment of ignorance I was having.

We were on a dirt road for a few miles. "You're always leading me down these long paths to nowhere," I said.

"And you follow them."

I smiled at her. "Always will." 

Edythe wasn't kidding when she said we had to climb a mountain. The road took us to the base of a relatively low peak. The rockface was jagged and steep, but I could see exactly the crevices where I could place my hands and feet.

"See that ledge right there?" She pointed up and to the left.

I nodded. It stuck out of the cliffside like a platform. 

"Race you there?"

And in an instant she was gone, scaling up the mountain like a spider. It looked extraordinarily unhuman, and was actually a little creepy. "Be there soon," I said under my breath. 

The climb wasn't difficult, but I still lacked poise. I lost count of how many times I under estimated my strength and tore chunks of stone out of the mountain.

The ring box in my pocket felt like it weighed a thousand pounds. I was more than nervous. I felt terrified. I worried that asking her would make her rethink wanting to spend her life with me. I prepared myself for rejection, trusting that we would stay with each other regardless. 

I finally reached the ledge and sat beside Edythe.

"Look," she said. Her eyes were wide and joyful, locked on the scenery before her. I followed her gaze.

The mountains weren't just behind us, they were everywhere. We were nestled in the side of a canyon, where the center was covered in large healthy trees with emerald pine needles and maroon bark. Parts of the bark on many of the trees were covered in dark green moss, and if I stared at one area long enough I could see beetles drinking small beads of water collected between the grass-like micro surfaces. 

"What do you see?"

"Everything." 

I let my gaze move beyond the bottom of the canyon to where the sky met the tops of the mountains. Stars were already visible beneath the red haze of the low winter sun. The light broke through the thin layer of fog and tunneled between the trees creating a green hue that rested underneath the haze. The colors blended actively aoung each other in a constant flux, as if someone had dropped dye into water and let it mix on its own.

I looked at Edythe, and in the same moment she turned to me. We smiled at each other playfully. 

"Thank you for taking me here," I whispered. It felt wrong to break the ambiance that danced within the air and light. It was a symphony of bird songs, tricking water, rustling leaves, the crack branches, and whirring of wind as it twisted through the canyon and the physical life it held. 

I took Edythe's hand in mine and guided her to stand. I angled us so that she could see the wide sky behind me. I did it so quickly that she was taken aback. Noting her slight alarm, I deliberately slowed my movements and gently caressed her cheek with the back of hand. 

I took the ring box out of my pocket, and I knelt on one knee.

"Edythe Cullen, will you marry me?" I opened the box. I felt a jolt of embarrassment that I didn't open it first.

She gasped. "Yes!"

Warmth filled every cell of my being. I pulled the ring out and slid it onto her finger. It was supposed to go on the left hand, right?

Before I could comprehend anything, I was suddenly in Edythe's arms. She picked me up and span me around. 

I was drunk on joy. I laughed loudly and held onto her.

When we both calmed down, I sat down and pulled her onto my lap. She laid against me.

"Guess what?" she asked.

"What?"

She spun around to face me and pulled something from her pocket. She displayed it before me. It was a ring.

"I was going to propose to you today," she declared with bright pride in her expression.

"No way!" Had she planned this? How did we both decide now was the time?

I was beaming with happiness. She took my hand and placed the ring on my finger just as I had done to her. 

She always found ways to make me speechless. 

We held each other and talked about small things. She told me her wedding dreams. She wanted to wear a dress that was from the era she was from, ideally from 1920. She explained how she could have never predicted the style change from the early 1900s to the twenties. I tried to imagine the differences, but I knew they were only based on movies I watched or old pictures I had seen. 

She also talked about how she loved roses, and I was able to agree with enthusiasm. We both liked a lot of traditional things, but I did find myself attracted to certain things just because she liked them. Whatever she wanted was a reflection of her soul, whether or not she knew or cared.

We talked until the half of the sun was below the mountain range.

"We have to go now, don't we?" I asked.

"Sadly." She kissed my palm.

I sighed. Reality set in. All illusions of safety drifted away and I was left feeling broken. I wasn't a stranger to violence, but I was a stranger to war. People would be hurt. Inevitably. And it would be on me. 

There were too many people involved.

Royal's hesitancy of acting defensively on my behalf made me reflect on the involvement of others in a battle fueled by a personal vendetta. A fair fight would be Victor and I, one on one. But he was weak. He gathered an army just to face me, and it was a move of a coward. But I still knew nothing of war. 

"Have you ever been in a battle before?" I asked Edythe, seeking reassurance.

"No. But Carine and Jessamine have."

I couldn't - and wouldn't - stop my thoughts. "Jessamine was a Confederate." 

"She was."

"To accept any training from her...I don't think I can."

Edythe nodded. "She remembers very little of her human years. The knowledge she has now is from when she was under the control of her creator. But, I can't say I blame you for being uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable isn't the right word," I said flatly. "But, how else will I learn to fight newborns? We need every resource we have. But don't be surprised if I take Carine's advice over Jessamine's." My tone was harsh. I didn't want to taint our romantic moment, but we had already opened the conversation. I rambled, and I knew I had to.

"That's okay, Carine is a very good instructor."

I nodded. "But never a general of a newborn army."

"Correct."

"Then, let's get to it." I stood up and peered down the ledge. I took Edythe's hand and glanced at her. "Let's pretend to fly."

We launched off together, aiming towards the dense forest. We never let go of each other, and we slowed our decent by synchronizing our movements to grasp onto branches and avoid boulders. 

We landed gently on the ground. I wanted to soften the moment, so I took her left hand and kissed her brand new engagement ring. "Nothing makes me prouder than to be yours," I said.

There was much more ahead of us, but I only thought of her becoming my sworn companion. As I always knew, I could face anything with her beside me.


End file.
